Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
