I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
