i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
