you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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