I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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