I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
