Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
