This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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