I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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