What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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