you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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