The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
