Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
