I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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