Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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