i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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