oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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