Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize