Me too!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
