so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
