my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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