This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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