I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
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This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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