I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
