girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
