I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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