how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
