i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
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Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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