every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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