do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I deserve this hangover.
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