oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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