Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
