id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
