If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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