I have demons in me.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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