All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
