I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
