After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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