So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
