May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
