Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
