I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize