I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
