sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
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oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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