I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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