I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
