we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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