Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
