Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
