I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
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i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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