Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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