On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
