At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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