For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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