He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
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We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
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I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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