we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
