I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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